Bringing Workplace Communication Home

As I have been working with clients for the last ten years of my career, there is one thing that I am finding that is consistent.  People find it easier to treat their co-workers better than their partners.  People communicate better with their outside world (work/friends) than their internal world (home).  It is almost like there is special care that is taken in the workplace that isn’t considered at home.  Understandably so because work is our livelihood, it’s our source of income, and therefore we choose our words carefully to maintain the standard of life that we want to live.  However, home life is or should just be as important as it’s where we can be our authentic selves, be nurtured, and get our personal needs met.  So, why are we so callous in our communication?  When we demand that our partners validate us but fail to validate them.  What does that say about the relationship if we have no quorums validating the people we work with?  If applying professionalism gets you promoted at work, why would you not want to use some of these same principles at home to get “promoted” in the eyes of your partner?  An added bonus to applying these skills at home will only make you better at work.  Let’s take a moment to look at how workplace communication skills can be used at home while still being your authentic self. 

1. Who is your audience?  Reflect on how well you know your partner.
2. What would their perspective be about the topic?  Consider how they have responded to the issue or similar topics.
3. What would their wants and concerns be about the topic? Knowing how they have responded in the past to the topic and who they are as a person, what would they be concerned about or want to happen?
4. What do you want them to think or do about the topic?  Now, consider your needs, concerns, and desires about the issue.  What do you want them to think about or do in light of your perspective? What are you willing to compromise on if they are eager to compromise as well?  If they can’t compromise, how can you maintain a positive perspective and healthy relationship with this person by thinking about what other needs they meet for you?  What other things do they do well in your relationship?
5. Finally, craft a clear and concise message that balances your needs with theirs.  This will reflect I hear you, see you, and want to meet your needs as well as my own.