High Heel Standards: Dating After Divorce

I have always been a woman who considered high heels an accessory that makes me feel classy and sexy. Recently, I was welcomed back into the world of dating post-divorce and had a few choices I had to make on who I want to be.  In true counselor fashion, I spent months pre-divorce planning my new life and who I was going to become.  Though the discovery process had more obstacles and tears than I expected, I became myself.  Actually, I realized I've always known who I am.  It just got lost in attaching myself to the wrong person and a ring that didn't meet my high heel standards.  High heels have always enhanced my strength, beauty, and class that I felt on the inside.  High heels make me a better person, and I realized I need a man who makes me more extraordinary than a pair of good high heels.  
    With a new pair of heels in hand, literally, I started pursuing my new life and every dream I put on hold.  But of course, to get to the good stuff, I had to do some self-reflection on what I wanted to take with me to the next level and let go of what would hold me back.    

1.    Heal from the Trauma and Let It Go
I decided I needed to heal from the trauma of divorce and unhealthy behavior that occurred in my marriage.  There is NO SHAME IN DIVORCE.  There is shame in staying in a toxic relationship for the sake of appearances.  Signing the divorce papers was the best thing I could have ever done.  There was freedom when the judge gave his seal of approval, and it was official.  I no longer felt trapped in the lies I kept up to make sure I was a "good" wife.  I no longer had to stand in someone's shadow to make them look good when they wouldn't do the same for me.  I was free to return to being the independent, strong person I left behind and build the life I deserve.  No matter how cute a shoe is, when the heel tip comes off, it's best to replace the shoe than walk around clacking.               

2.    Own the Mistakes You Made and Forgive Yourself
Marriage is a two-way street.  What goes wrong in a marriage is never one person's fault.  If someone tells you otherwise, they are lying.  RUN!  I had to face that truth and deal with my shortcomings but most importantly, forgive myself.  I had to deal with the fact that I decided to get married when I knew is what not the right thing for me to do.  I had to admit that the delay in not being where I wanted to be was partially my fault, and it was my job to not dwell on why I wasn't where I want to be but to put in the work to fix it.  Accept the fact the heels aren't a good match for the outfit and switch them out! 
      
3.    Know What You Want
Figuring out what I wanted was the hardest part.  I like to make to-do lists and check things off as I go.  It lets me know that I am on track, and there is comfort in that for me.  However, my wise dad encouraged me to toss out my list and take a different approach to dating, and who was I not to take the wisdom of the best man I know and apply it to dating.  I found I had to be strong enough to walk away when I see red flags and not date another fixer.  If I can't make an average shoe become the heels I want, I can't make a guy into the man I need either.    

4.    Enjoy Your New Life
My favorite part is enjoying the journey of getting to where I want to be.  For the first time, I don't feel rushed.  I get to enjoy the people and process that get me to the next level.  It's all about the experience and what I can gain from it that makes me a better person.   So, go where you want to go, do what you want to do, and don't hold back.  Try on new heels.  If you like them, great! Buy it.  If you don't, leave them there and move on.